My life at Tender Mercies Inc!

What is Tender Mercies Inc? It is a place for the mentally handicap. Homeless adults with a history of mental and social illness. It is located in Cincinnati,Ohio. It houses over 200 people in the downtown Cincinnati area. I have been there for over three years now. And it's been rough but a journey into myself ,and into my future!

Since I been here it hasn't been so pleasant. The food is served by a group of volunteers in a potluck-style setting. And often we have the same food on repeat bi-monthly.
The toilets and showers are old and need repair. In fact often they are filled with toilet paper and stains and all kinda of crap. The janitors here do a good job but they love to extort a person behind their backs. I have a bad habit of pooping on the seat of the toilets when I pee. I just fart and bam! I've tried to help it but it's an annoyance to others here now. So much so I get called names by staff and other residents who haven't matured in the mind enough.

Gossip folks!

Not just a song by Missy Elliott,my voices are turning into some odd gossiping male spirits! They are not nice at all. They even attempt to fornicate with me at will! They try and control and scare me. I've been told I am insane or have some evil spirit trying to attach itself to me on a plane of his own reality.
Maybe,but it's a challenge that never ends. Praying does help,but only for a moment. Medicine does not help at all! In fact,it never did. And you may say that to keep taking it will show improvement,to me that's bull. What does help is some true communication and some basic interference. Something to hush the voices. Something like well more gossip or just some everyday chit chat.

Remembering my mom!

My voices are telling me things about her like they are angels or demons.
And it's hard to deal with.  Mom is dying and although alive,I have made her memorial early.
I will edit it later.
It's been almost three years since I have her at the hospice. I have been avoiding her,cause I feel like I failed her.
I dont have the grandkids she wanted or have I finished school yet.
But I am trying?
I am!
And I put on weight instead of loosing.
Also,this is as far I got in life. Living at Tender Mercies on my own earned disability funds.
She was too. Living the same. I guess it's better than nothing?
Good thing is I got to see mom before dying. I will see her again on Sunday unless she passes.
I will take a cab out there this time.
I also may have to buy her headstone for around hundred dollars.
Hopefully,I will have enough funds.
I will truly miss her. All the good times. All the love. Good bye mom. See you in heaven someday! <3

Critical Inner Voice?

Ok,so I read on a site about negative voices.
I was wondering who else hears negative voices like mine,where they actually talk to me and think for themselves.
Also,my thoughts are negative at times and disorganized. I even swear to Jesus and God in my head without a reason!
I am scared I am going to hell for this.
I have tried music,sleep,and meditation. Sleep helps as does some music.
But now even music is repeating in my head!

Old woman moving,Fat boy moving zero,and Flesh Moving One?

These are the retarded names that this evil Satanic man with a deep voice in my head and outside my head,calls me and my mother instead of our names! It's sick. Calling my mom "old woman moving" and "wash eerie wash wash". Sounds childish. Sounds really silly and he calls her that cause of the Sims 2 and Sims 4 games I play. See,I made my mom a Sim. And he claims to "see thru me and at me". Which is creepy. And funny too,is he calls me "flesh mover" or "flesh moving one" now cause my stomach shakes when I move he claims. Whover he is is just mainly a sick bastard!

I am being watched by my voices!

Yes,every second of every minute I am being watched by these two "beings" in my head. From the inside out,and outside in!
It makes me wanna kill myself!
It's not what I wanted from him(Michael/Daryl). And definately not what I wanted from damn Lucifer or (The Clown).
I keep hearing them swallowing and blowing in my ear. They are disgusting. Sometimes,I want to just move away from all this bullshit they bring. Be normal again.

4 seconds of freedom!

I meditated this evening for a few seconds. And in those few seconds I found clarity. I heard nothing but my surroundings and not voices! Sometimes,I get lucky breaks and  I will hear nothing! So I know my head is messed up with these voices. It's not other people I hear.