Showing posts from April, 2017

4 seconds of freedom!

I meditated this evening for a few seconds. And in those few seconds I found clarity. I heard nothing but my surroundings and not voices! Sometimes,I get lucky breaks and  I will hear nothing! So I know my head is messed up with these voices. It's not other people I hear.

My face is my well,mine! And humanoid computers arent fat!

Funny title I know,but the voices are that insane! Seriously,they think crazy shit and pretend they are everyone around. Lately,I noticed they are noone but ignorant voices. Not even silly niggas on the side of the street lamp talking while I stroll past,are this childish. I mean damn. One voice is so fucking stupid,he thinks I got a face morpher app for a face. Like a fucking robotic woman with a tv for a face. Hoe retarded! And the other voice named Daryl Boo,is just plain gullable. He believes anything someone says. And he thinks he is God,while hating on Jesus. Crazy shit! He is so childish he barely can read or write or even act normal. His ass can't even spell or count right. And the demonoid voice,he just is a menance to al who hears him. He just is a retarded negro-sounding ape-fucking lunatic voice. He is the "big bad wolf" I hear.

My life

I started out kinda reliant on my parents for everything.  They were my rock.  Food, clothes, shelter.  I didn't have to work or anything.  It got to be a problem once I hit my late teens.  I didn't finish highschool, so I couldn't get a decent job.  And cause of my looks, I couldn't be famous or land a good career otherwise.  I was doomed.!  Depressed I decided to just keep living off my parents wages.  My dad was very old and worked past his retirement.  Mom was getting old too and almost age of retiring.  I was gonna have to live off their retirement wages. I didn't wanna be a burden.  So, when dad got sick and mom got second stage dementia and left for a nursing home, I decided to retire early at the age of 30. My mental illness was a blessing.  I tried hard to get accepted for disability and early retirement, so I could live off my own wages from SSI.  It worked!  I am thrilled.  It's the good side of being able to hear voices.  The bad side is I have to l…

Who died and made you ruler over me?

That's what I'd like to tell these ignorant male voices I hear.  Yes everyday all day, they are in my life. I get no satisfaction! They are always trying to get me to feel shame or feel low.  To kill myself!  But I want to feel free.  I want to be able to feel like I once did.  When I was a kid. I try and be myself as much as I can. But it's not easy.  Not anymore.  I am being watched by my voices.  From the inside out!

Getting nowhere?

Sometimes I feel like I am getting nowhere with these voices in my  head.  Six years and I have been living off of them.  Feeding them myself. Six years of suffering. True, I asked for this.  But is this all I can do? Am I just gonna let my life pass me by? Am I just gonna live off my disability income and not work? And am I gonna finish school?

Well the voices make life difficult, but I plan on getting a part-time job as soon as I get my schooling.  And schooling I will start back in June or July. I hope. It isn't like I didn't try before. I haven't given up. I also joined the YMCA for a year of swimming and I wanna go camping.
We shall see where this goes. 

Why I hear voices: part 3

This time I thought I'd write about what I hear. My voices claim to know me and even see and smell,and taste everything I do! It makes me VERY uncomfortable. Like I am being stalked! I can't do what I want without them blending in.  Before my life was perfectly normal or so I remember. I heard no voices but my own thoughts and my own voice. My mind was open. Free. Quiet. Now I hear voices inside and out my head. They say stupid stuff and even hate on Jesus Christ! They call me "fat boy moving zero" and "it". Other times I am loved as "lil Trin Trin" cause they think I am a cute little girl version of myself in pics they claim to be able to "see". By see I mean right thru me. If I see it,they see it. Sometimes they go on about when I was younger,how cute I was. Blah blah....
It's bullshit. And they keep showing me visions and hullucenations.  It's like the they want me in their little fantasy world. If this is how Satan operates h…